People oftentimes tend to associate kindness with being nice to others, making people happy, and doing moral deeds, but with time and experience, it is noticeable that kindness is much deeper than that and has more to it. It is also key to note that due to its complicated nature, kindness can also be not clear-cut at times. As such, on occasion things that are done out of the desire to be simply kind, can backlash and end up doing more harm than good. Consequently, it is important to know what kindness really is and should be. 

The very first point that needs to be emphasized is the fact that kindness should really start with yourself. You need to not only be kind to others, which we typically try to do when we think about being kind, but exert it upon ourselves as well. It is said that to love others you first need to love yourself and the basis for that lies in the fact that the way you treat yourself and the principles you set for yourself become the foundation for how you treat others in your relationships with them. As a result, you really need to make an effort to be kind to yourself so that you can grow and have amazing, strong relationships with others. 

As previously alluded to, people use the words niceness and kindness synonymously, but Hannah Braime, an author whose works have been featured in Lifehacker, Huffington Post, Thought Catalog, and so forth, defined the difference between being nice and being kind very well. She stated that “Kindness is based on your own ethics, your own values, and your own beliefs” meanwhile “Niceness is based on how other people see you.” As a result, you sometimes disappoint people even when you are doing the kind and right thing. An example of this can be seen when someone close to you is addicted to drugs or alcohol or cigarettes or anything else, and they constantly ask you for money, maybe even saying that they need it for something that is useful, but you know that if you give in, and give them the money, then you will be contributing to them spiraling out of control and it’ll be detrimental. Thus, the kind thing to do is to not give them the money that they will merely use on drugs, but instead offer to help them and give guidance by helping them see a therapist or whoever else they need to see in order to be gotten out of the cycle of addiction. On a similar note, even being kind towards yourself can “hurt” at times. For example, if you had too much fun the night before and you’re tired, groggy, and just want to stay in bed all day, then you can be kind to yourself and your body by getting up and making a nice, healthy breakfast to give you the needed nutrients, and then doing a warm-up stretch and workout to get you up and running. Keep your goals and ambitions in perspective.

The key takeaway is that the root of kindness lies in empathy and acceptance. This is so because you do not reject or judge others when you are being kind to them, but instead, you have a concern for them and have pure intentions. This concern firstly stems from empathy, which is when you are able to understand the person’s situation, feelings, actions, etc. When you are being kind you really need to see and understand where the person is coming from in order to be compassionate towards them, but be sure to remember your own ideals and be kind to yourself as well!